So last week, Reader, a client told me she was sooooo frustrated with a colleague in her office who kept talking over her in a meeting.

I swear I could see the s-s-s-steam emitting through the Zoom feed. 🗯️

Now, my client's no shrinking violet. In fact, she felt like she'd sent obvious signals to her colleague when this happens--the big eye roll, the heavy sigh . . .etc.

But . . . nothing changed.

I hear this frustration ALL THE TIME.

Maybe the boss didn’t recognize how much you were juggling. Maybe your teammate didn’t offer help when you desperately needed it. Or maybe you waited for someone (anyone? anyone? Bueller??) to notice you were ready for a bigger opportunity.

And they didn’t. So you got frustrated.

After all, shouldn’t they KNOW?

Well, no. 'Cause here's why.

It's called the illusion of transparency. It’s our tendency to believe that what’s happening inside our heads is more obvious to other people than it really is.

We think our intentions are clear. Our frustrations are visible. Our needs are practically screaming.

But other people are busy dealing with what’s happening inside THEIR heads. 🧠

And that’s where we get into trouble.

We expect people to respond to needs we’ve never actually SAID OUT LOUD.

Here’s the truth: If you need something to change, you’ve got to make it easier for someone else to understand what that something is.

So you've got to get clear on what you need, and then ask for it directly.

I go into this in depth with examples & scripts in chapter 7 of my book, "Red Cape Rescue: Save Your Career Without Leaving Your Job," but here are the three main steps:

1. Make it personal. What do they care about? How could making a change in their actions or words help them?
2. Make it specific. Don't willy-waddle. Get to it, like "Would you introduce me to Angie in your digital marketing department?" "Could we schedule ten minutes so I can share a new idea for our team?" "What's the process you'll use to make that decision?"
3. Make it done. Stop fretting and start asking.

(Actually, there’s a fourth step that ices the cake: accelerate appreciation. It’s one of the most forgotten superpowers to tap inside yourself. Since it’s so major, I go in depth in chapter 10 of Red Cape Rescue.)

So how 'bout YOU, Reader? What do you need to ask for, and of whom? Hit REPLY and tell me--I'll help you bolster your courage or refine your ask, if that's what you need. I'll send you tools or scripts if it's helpful. Or I'll just cheer you on.

Now, not every ask gets a yes. No is an acceptable answer, as the sages say. But a no is good data. It helps you get clarity on whether what you need is possible. I see too many people assume the answer is no, and so they don't ask. Asking isn't the risk; staying quiet and frustrated is.

It's funny, but we're often glad someone's asked us for help or support--but we feel guilty or hesitate to ask someone else. Please don't be that person--you never know how your ask may actually help someone else make a change that works for the better. Keep soaring!

Always, Darcy

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P.S. Thanks to all who helped celebrate the fifth birthday of my book this week! I appreciate every note, review, and photo! --D